As a fitness professional of 10 years, I’ll admit it, I’ve tried CrossFit. It wasn’t too hard, but it definitely wasn’t easy. I just didn’t want to break numerous bones doing those crazy “WODs”. Now on the opposite spectrum, I’ve also dabbled in bodybuilding.
I’ve trained for it and trained guys to do it, but (once again) it wasn’t for me. I didn’t want to wear those little glittery thongs. The beauty of working in the fitness industry is that I have friends that do CrossFit and I have friends that bodybuild. Let’s take a look at why CrossFitters despise bodybuilders and vice versa.
I’m sure you know a CrossFitter. Whether it be personally OR you just parked next to the guy in the gym parking lot and you guys walked into the gym together. (Unfortunately for you, CrossFitters and bodybuilders may work out at the same gym, leaving you with even less equipment for your own workout. But back to the REAL story).
How can you tell that guy is a CrossFitter? Well, his Jeep has a CrossFit bumper sticker on and he’s probably carrying a Reebok gym bag and wearing a Rogue t-shirt.
The bodybuilder is even easier to spot… he’s got a huge hoodie sweatshirt on with some baggy sweatpants plus he’s lugging his 6-pack fitness meal bag (it’s not a lunchbox anymore, kids) and probably carrying a shaker cup and a gallon jug of water.
Now if you’re lucky, you can definitely identify a bodybuilder if they have their hood down and they are rocking a pair of gold Beats by Dre headphones to match his gold iPhone 6 plus.
“How do you know he has a gold iPhone 6 plus, Danny?” My reply, “Wait until he posts his mirror selfies on Instagram.”
You might have just wandered into the locker room behind these guys. The CrossFitter is over there changing his toe-shoes into his lime-green and orange Reebok “CrossFit” brand shoes while the bodybuilder is texting his bros to find out why they haven’t made it to the gym yet (here you may be able to catch a glimpse of his gold iPhone.)
He may be searching through his bag and pulling out what looks like a small children’s shoe box, but it’s really where he keeps all of his supplements. He grabs a handful of multi-colored pills, throws it in his mouth, and then washes it down with a swig from his jug of water. The CrossFitter stares blankly as he sips on his Paleo-approved pre-workout shake, wondering if he just took steroids.
Reason #1: CrossFitters think all bodybuilders take steroids. Bodybuilders think CrossFitters should probably try some.
Walking out to the free weights section, you pass the cardio area. There’s bodybuilder sitting on the recumbent bike, pedaling super slow but THEN he starts pedaling really fast. He’s probably doing his HIIT training.
There’s CrossFitter at the edge of the cardio area that shares a spot with the free weights. He’s got his kettlebell, jump rope, medicine ball, and he’s got his kettlebell, jump rope, medicine ball, and plyo box set up in a nice neat row. He clips his wireless Beats on his ears, taps his phone a couple times, then goes to town on his little circuit. He’s probably doing Tabata training. You jump on the elliptical in front of the TVs so you can watch the Cubs dominate the Dodgers (because now you’re a Cubs fan).
Reason #2: Bodybuilders think Tabata is worthless, and CrossFitters claim that “all of their workouts are HIIT.” My workout is better than yours.
Now, all 3 of you enter the free weights section at the same time. It must be quad day for the bodybuilder because he heads straight for a squat rack but instead opts for the leg press machine. Crossfit guy is already in the same area of the free weights, right next to him, at the squat rack. Bodybuilder loads up the leg press and starts pumping out some reps, while CrossFit guy picks up the bar on the squat rack. Oh, wait, his phone just went off (did I mention he set his phone up on the empty squat rack so he can record himself).
He compounds a front squat with a shoulder press then drops the bar to what might be a deadlift. Bodybuilder is finally done with what seemed like 100 reps, as he paces in front of the mirror, breathing heavily, he rolls up his pant legs as high as they go and flexes his quads to snap a picture. God only knows what Social Media site this will go to…Instagram most likely.
Oh, wait, his phone just went off (did I mention he set his phone up on the empty squat rack so he can record himself).
Reason #3: CrossFitters use every piece of equipment imaginable for one workout, plus a stand for their phone. Bodybuilders can’t always curl in the squat rack.
My workout is coming to an end and it looks like Crossfit guy and bodybuilder are finishing up too. They both walk toward the pull-up bar and then stop just short of each other. Crossfit guy motions bodybuilder ahead of him (maybe because bodybuilder is lugging 135 lbs of plates around a belt between his lugs).
Bodybuilder hops up and knocks out about 15 pull-ups while Crossfit guy is playing on his phone, probably updating his Facebook status to “just finishing up at the gym.” Bodybuilder is done so Crossfit guy jumps up, grabs the bar, and then starts violently swinging back and forth and kind of doing pull-ups. They lock eyes, mouth something to each other, and walk away.
Reason #4: Bodybuilders think every CrossFitter is making fun of him (and vice versa) (*pssst* They probably are).
Finishing up in the locker room, bodybuilder is pulling jugs out of his bag that I didn’t think could even fit in there. He puts about 5 scoops of different powders in a huge shaker bottle then begins to shake it up. He sets it down on the bench next to his bag then goes to wash his hands and you see it, the illustrious gold iPhone 6 plus, as he snaps a shirtless picture in the mirror. He taps on his phone a few times then laughs.
Where is CrossFit guy? Walking out of the locker room, you pass by the front desk and there he is, telling the girl all about his recently-finished workout plus his diet, and how he may switch from Paleo to Vegan.
Reason #5: CrossFitters talk about nothing but CrossFit and their diet and bodybuilders talk about nothing but bodybuilding and their diet. These guys try to one-up each other on a daily basis, it’s annoying.
“Just how do you know all of this, Danny?” Well, to which I reply, “Those guys are my roommates and I deal with the garbage on a daily basis.”