Like all responsible romantic encounters, let’s define the relationship. We’re not discussing female powerlifters, bikini competitors, or even your average fit chick wearing the galaxy yoga pants. This cautionary tale has shifted to the true fringes of sexuality. Buckle up.
1. The Obvious
Your romantic partner could very well be larger than you. We’re beginning with the milder, far more obvious conclusions because we’ll follow the template of weeding out progressively more suitors from points one to five.
Some men don’t mind this (even prefer it); however, shall we illuminate the inevitable social norm destruction, and physical danger when the hysteria rears its ugly head — revealing a well-muscled jaw clenched at the very thought of you forgetting she despised the flavor orange and had actually told you vanilla for her low-carb, gluten- and dairy-free diet ice cream.
2. The Metamorphosis
So the threats of bodily harm haven’t swayed you? The prolonged stares as you grip a hand connected to a forearm more imposing than your own while the two of you stroll the mall hasn’t changed your mind? You savage — let’s dive deeper into this muscly fantasy.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. However, save the shocked responses, this shouldn’t be a revelation. Anabolic steroids change more in the human body than mere lean muscle percentage. Your new vascular princess will undergo (or have already undergone) certain unsavory physical reactions caused by the exogenous chemistry.
We’ll do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. She’s going to become hairy, and we don’t mean thicker, more lustrous curls from the scalp. Her clitoris is most likely going to swell, becoming akin to glimpses you get on Hyena documentaries (look that up on your own time). Finally, the tone of her voice is going to drop faster than a hanging victim, and just as gracefully.
What a time to be alive.