5 Fitness Tips To Help You Not Suck at Boot Camp

Listen up bros, I know some of you are in the military or have joined the military and are awaiting boot camp. For those waiting to leave, here’s a few suggestions to ensure you don’t wash out and look like a little bish.

1. Do cardio


I understand most of us would rather roll in shards of glass and then jump into a pool of Tabasco sauce before we do some sort of cardio. I mean, who likes having your heart feel like it’s ripping through your chest while your lungs feel like balloons getting ready to pop? The only way this is acceptable is if I’m about to hit a PR or about to pound some sloots.

News Flash: you can’t see cardio gains. But if you get to boot camp and don’t focus mainly on cardio, you are going to draw too much attention to yourself. The typical cardio run day at boot camp is at least 2-4 miles, not including whatever else you have to do for the rest of the day so be sure to prepare. Oh, and sex is not the only cardio you should do before leaving…but I do highly recommend it.

On the next page… Lower weight, higher reps & other blasphemy…

2. Do higher reps, lower weight

Again, this sounds like something straight out of Richard Simmons’ toning manual. However, it truly will help you or one of your platoon members mess up and are forced to do physical exercise as punishment. A 7lb rifle certainly isn’t heavy, but when you do shoulder raises for an hour, it feels like you’re military pressing Rose O’Donnell………talk about a PR.

know your limits meme

3. Taper off of pre-workouts and stimulants

I for one absolutely love the feeling skin tingling, heart pounding, face itching  feeling that only pre-workout can provide (I’m still convinced it’s tiger blood and snake venom).  However, you will not be allowed to have any caffeine at boot camp, so it’s a good idea for you Bro’s to taper off of it and learn to push through work outs with out it. Also try to stray from coffee in the morning; you may feel like a member of The Walking Dead, but in time you will adapt.

preworkout 3

Plus, when you do inevitably start completely disregarding the instructions and begin taking at least 3 heaping scoops of the sweet nectar, it’ll  be even that more potent.

You don’t want to hear the advice on the next page, but someone’s gotta say it…

4. Don’t work on getting yok3d

You are going to lose your muscle mass. It’s going to happen Bro’s. Most of boot camp is cardio, push ups, flutter kicks, mountain climbers, crunches, and many other body-weight movements. Being the most jacked dude at boot camp isn’t going to help you, it will only hurt you in the long run. Literally. You have very little time to eat at boot camp, that coupled with all cardio and body weight movements will all aid in you losing your hard-earned muscle mass.skinn guy


Don’t bulk for months just to have to wither down into a Mathew McConaughey/Heroin addict

5. Do weighted/not-weighted body weight exercises

So most people know you will probably do a shit ton of push ups at boot camp. What helps you with push ups the most? Doing push ups. But I learned doing a variety of push ups with weight on my back and then drop setting to body weight dramatically increased my push-ups over time. This  can be said for any body-weight exercise. For example:

  1. Start with 2 sets of regular push ups
  2. Do 2 sets with a 25 lb weight on your back
  3. 2 sets  with a 45 lb weight on your back
  4. 2 more sets with the 25 lb plate
  5. 2 more sets of body weight push ups.

Not only will this make you a push-up stud, you’ll get a pretty sick pump too. Females love pumps, both in and out of the gym. So be sure to not let them down bros.

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