The Dummy’s Guide on Why Not to Do CrossFit

CrossFit: A Quick Way to Earn a Trip to the Emergency Room


CrossFit has quickly become a massive workout craze. People look at celebrities like Cameron Diaz, Brad Pitt, Jessica Biel, and Channing Tatum, all of whom do CrossFit, and assume the best way to look like these stars is to train like they do.

The only problem is that these stars have well paid personal trainers who teach them proper form and technique. Before you hop on the Crossfit bandwagon, watch this video and it may just change your mind.


Learn the Correct Form, Moron

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When it comes to lifting weights, form and technique are everything. When you lift with proper form, you can safely build up and strengthen your muscles. You don’t have to be any kind of weightlifting expert to see the morons in this video are about two seconds away from a trip to the emergency room with a slipped disc or shattered pelvis.

Half the problem is these idiots are lifting way heavier than they are obviously capable of, but peer pressure can make you do some stupid things. Who cares that EMS is gonna have to haul your ass out on a stretcher? At least you hit that 200lb-er; we’re all very impressed.

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Don’t Surround Yourself With Idiots

What’s almost more alarming than the sheer incompetence of these CrossFitters is the people surrounding them. Rather than saying, “Holy crap, Susie! Drop that weight before you pull a muscle (or break your back)!” These ass-wipes are cheering her on, “Come on!! Yeah, that’s the way! Alright, now stick it!”

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No… that is most definitely not the way and the statistical improbability of having so much stupidity jammed into one gym is mind-boggling. If you’re set on the idea of boarding the CrossFit train, then please do yourself a favor and find a good personal trainer, who is actually qualified to ensure you use proper form and prevent you from hurting yourself.

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Don’t Get Caught Up In The Cult


It’s easier to workout with someone else. Working out with a partner makes you more accountable — it pushes you harder as you compete with them, and it adds a social aspect to your workout. People who do CrossFit usually find a group of similarly crazed minds and together they form a little CrossFit cult. 

Within this cult, you must speak only in their special code made up of acronyms like “AMRAP,” “CFT” and “CFWU”. When you’re in the presence of cult members, don’t you dare talk about other workout methods because nothing can compare to the greatness that is CrossFit *innitiate eyeroll*.

Unless you’re being trained by a professional, just do yourself a favor and avoid CrossFit. You’ll stay out of the emergency room, away from juvenile peer pressure, and most importantly, you won’t have to tell your mom that you joined a cult.


May we also suggest:

7 Times You Should Just Walk Away From A Crossfit Junkie

Hilarious CrossFit vs. Bodybuilding Rant Goes Viral

7 Ways to Break Up With Your Girlfriend When She Joins Crossfit

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