If you don’t know who Rich Piana is, either you actually have a job, steady relationship and normal hobbies or you just crawled out from under the squat rack after hibernating for the winter. Just type in ‘steroids’, ‘HGH’ or ‘synthol’ into YouTube and sure enough, a jacked, tattooed and strangely blue eyed monster will appear, spouting lines about “Killing it” and how you need to eat 10 times a day to make gains.
Piana, who is former Mr. California and infamous within the YouTube fitness community (thanks to Infinite Elgintensity and Piana’s steroid addiction), is one jacked motherf**cker. He is the proud president of the “I am so jacked that I can’t wipe my own ass” club.
If you saw him in person you would ask “does that guy even drink water or does he just mix BCAA’s with some Dianabol?” The answer is probably no, as Piana’s skin looks drier than the Sahara desert. He might invest in some lotion if he wants to avoid turning into a human lizard.
Piana appears to only care about two things in life; looking like the human incarnation of a pit bull and constantly dating bleach blondes with chests that are bigger than his. He even married one, only to divorce her less than a year later because she only married him in order to get her green card.
Piana, however, is not just some clown who wears ultra blue contacts and grunts more times during a workout than a woman does during birth (GIVING BIRTH TO THOSE GAINS!). He has a head on his shoulders and enough balls between his quads to admit to his rampant use of steroids. Which is a lot more than most juice heads do in this industry. He should get some props for that.
Recently, Daniel Tosh of Tosh.0, who has always been the skinny white boi on the block, decided he wanted to get massive. Apparently, the only logical conclusion was to call the most massive man alive, good old Rich Piana.
I would say this isn’t the best choice—why not Charles Poliquin? Joe Defranco? Mark Bell? Alan Thrall? Anyone with any sort of qualifications?—but maybe eight-hour arm workouts are something Tosh is has been dying to try.
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But in all honesty, if your sole goal is to become as jacked as possible, picking Rich as your trainer is the way to go. He knows more about steroids than Barry Bonds and could get you hooked up with everything from HGH to whatever the hell those Kuwaiti bodybuilders are on.
Piana should get his own reality show about transforming men from toothpicks to into mass monsters. He could invite other trainers on the show to try out their own drug cocktails, and whoever got more slabs of muscle on their client would win.
The show could be the next big thing in bodybuilding. Who knows, maybe Rich will get enough money from his starring role in Pumping Iron 3 to throw some capital at it. He could call it “Keeping Up With The Gains” or “Getting Juiced With Piana” or even “Pumping Juice.”
Continue to the next page for the Tosh.0 video!