We’ve all made stupid gym mistakes in our lives. But as a seasoned lifter, you couldn’t possibly be making any stupid, rookie mistakes in the gym still, right? Well, think again, hillbilly! Chances are pretty good you’re making at least one of these moronic mistakes in the gym. Now, let’s make this clear: This article is about gym MISTAKES, not gym faux pas. What’s the difference?
Here’s a quick list of gym faux pas:
- Doing any form of stretching in the locker room while nude.
- Eating any kind of food in the locker room while nude.
- Farting in the steam room so everyone is forced to breathe in the gaseous fumes made of a mix of steam and butt juice creating an anal elixir of doom.
- Clipping toenails anywhere in or around the vicinity of your gym.
- Not wiping down gym equipment.
- Sniffing gym equipment after it’s done being used by a pretty girl (or guy).
- Slowly eating a banana while making eye contact with anyone performing squats.
- Sleeping anywhere in the gym (especially in the used towel bin).
- Dropping a fudgy butt-nugget in the shower and waffle-stomping it down the drain.
- Being Tom Brady.
See, very common gym faux pas (don’t do any of those either by the way). We’re straying from the topic at hand, though. You came here to get some damn smarts learned into you. So, let’s get you smart. Here are the six stupid gym mistakes you need to stop making.
6. Ego Lifting
Well, of course, this makes the list. But you’re probably saying to yourself in a very husky, manly voice, “I don’t ego lift like some f***ing noob?” You sure about that?
You know what most of those people in that video have in common? They probably didn’t think they were ego lifting. More than likely, they were lifting what they thought they could or should be lifting. And you might just be doing the same thing.
Ask yourself this. How heavy do you go on shrugs? Again, chances are good it’s too heavy. Shrugs are a good example because even the most sensible of gym rats tend to lift too heavy on this exercise. And that’s the problem with non-dangerous exercises; people think they can go super heavy and it’s fine. Wrong! It’s still ego lifting you stinking jabronis.
You don’t have to be blowing out your BH or popping blood vessels in your eyeballs to be ego lifting. All it takes is lifting a weight heavy enough that it causes your form to break down. There are plenty of exercises where guys ego lift without knowing it: dumbbell curls, barbell curls, dumbbell shrugs, barbell shrugs, calf raises, weighted dips, lateral raises, triceps extensions. The list goes on and on.
The moral of the story; don’t lift a weight if you can’t do it properly. This is one of the more dangerous mistakes you can make in the gym. Ego lifting can really hurt your gains and your pride. So, don’t do it. Focus on building muscle instead of injuries.
5. Using Your Phone in the Gym
Don’t be the dirty diaper smelling asshat who plays on his phone for most of his “workout.” Not only is it irritating to everyone else in the gym, but it wrecks the whole flow of your workout. Instead of telling everyone on social media how hard you’re working out, try actually working out for f**k’s sake.
This can easily be considered a faux pas, but the mistake is that many people can’t be without their phone these days. But even if say, you use your phone for music. Why do you need to constantly be checking it? Put it on airplane mode or something if you can’t help yourself.
There’s no real reason your phone should be glued to your hand when a dumbbell is supposed to be there. You have the rest of the day to look at big butts on Instagram and update your Twitter status. The gym is for lifting and improving yourself physically.
Treat the gym as your temple; the church of the iron. You wouldn’t play on your phone in church, would you? Of course not. Your old ass granny Esther would smack the dog sh!t out of you. The same logic goes for the gym: go in, put the phone away, and lift heavy sh!t like a boss. You can go back to looking up AssBlasters 9000 in your phone’s browser’s incognito window when you get done.
4. Doing Dangerous Exercises
This must be about CrossFit, right? No. While some CrossFit practitioners perform ridiculous and unnecessary exercises, most just do standard Olympic lifts. Their main problem is they perform these exercises with the goal of going as fast as possible in mind. Moronic, yes. Unsafe exercises, not quite.
What we’re talking about are dangerous exercises that can be found in many bodybuilding routines. And the worst thing about these exercises aren’t just that they are dangerous, it’s the fact they don’t seem dangerous. What do we mean?
See, common exercises that can screw you up; most tend to not think about how some of these exercises can hurt the body. They just do them. Many only see them as uncomfortable exercises that are needed for muscle development. But really, they aren’t. There’s a difference between uncomfortable and pain inducing. Just ask those guys who are into bondage.
There’s no reason to tear a rotator cuff for the sake of performing some stupid exercise just because big name bodybuilders do it. If the exercise isn’t comfortable, don’t f**king do it. You wouldn’t crank your skin wrench with a lobster claw because you saw it in a porno. So, why would you perform an exercise that hurts just because some YouTube fitness personality told you to?
3. Relying on Pre-Workout to Train
Oh, what a thin tightrope we walk when it comes to using or abusing pre-workouts. On one hand, it helps pump you up for the gym and gets you in the zone. On the other, it can hit you like you just snorted coke off a hooker’s hoo-hah — leaving you jittery and with a serious case of mud butt and nose herpes.
The main problem with constant pre-workout use is that you become reliant on it. It will get to the point where you need to take some powder just to go to the gym, but it no longer gives you the same results that it used to. It seriously starts to become like a drug addiction. Especially when your tolerance gets so high that the stuff doesn’t work at all anymore.
Using pre-workout when you really need it is the best way to go. So, instead of using it before every workout, you only use it on the days you aren’t really feeling it. Like when you are run down and lacking motivation or the energy to train. But using it every time you plan to hit the gym—even if you already feel fine—well, that’s just a waste of money and brain cells.
2. Never Changing Your Routine
This is a common mistake even seasoned gym rats make. Sometimes when a lifting routine works well, we have a habit of sticking to it. This can put you on the fast track to plateauing. Like watching the same dirty movies during your “alone” time, you must change things up or you’ll get bored rather quickly.
For instance, when’s the last time you switched up your arm day routine? Are you still cranking out the same set scheme of bicep curls that you were doing two months prior? If so, you can’t expect to grow when your muscles are used to the stress you’re putting on them. Remember, variety is the spice of life. Switch things up every few months.
1. Talking Too Much
This is like constantly using your phone in the gym but worse; this negatively affects other people too. We all know that guy who talks more than he trains. Most of us want to DDT that guy onto a steel garbage can full of moldy diapers. Don’t be that guy.
Having conversations in the gym, even if it’s just between sets, is an unneeded distraction. It ruins the flow of the workout. Your focus won’t be in the correct place. And worst of all, you’re being annoying as hell to the people you’re talking “at.” And yes, you most likely are talking at them, not to them.
We see this all the time in the gym: a guy who clearly doesn’t want to talk during his workout, and the mouth breathing coochie stain who won’t leave that guy alone. Why even go to the gym if you’re just there to socialize? Go to a wine mixer or something if you need human interaction so bad.
The gym should be your sanctuary: you go in, lift heavy sh!t, maybe wash your sweaty junk in the shower, then leave. You don’t go to the gym to bother other people while having a terrible workout yourself. You go to get sh!t done and improve your body. So get to it!