CrossFit is without a doubt one of the greatest embarrassments to weightlifting ever created. It always blows the mind away as to how so many people are into all this fad-based nonsense. We guess some people just need to get all the pull-up seizures and bodyweight spasms out of them before they’re too old to perform such movements.
Others also confuse being nauseous and flopping around everywhere with being an elite athlete. Either way, CrossFit is always provides a good laugh.
Life’s too short to be watching CrossFit shmucks do special ED deadlifts. Full of gym rejects and community baseball players, the CrossFit Games sure seem fun if you like watching people injure themselves with some of the most reckless form known to mankind.
Not to mention all the people walking around the field during the tournament; at least it gives you an option of who you want to throw your bag of popcorn at.
The best thing about CrossFit is anybody can be a judge; all you need to do is volunteer your weekend and have the same sight and hearing as Helen Keller. If you meet those requirements, then by all means, go to your next local CrossFit event and start giving points to the most mentally unstable person there. After all, it’s not about how much you’re lifting, it’s about how much you look like you’re lifting.
However, out of all the useless sports out there, CrossFit is one of the few that has been growing like a patch of weed. So, be prepared to walk into your gym and see people almost purposefully trying to hurt themselves with weights, since that’s pretty much what it is.
Here are the best deadlift fails from the 2014 CrossFit Games, as narrated by the always reliable Infinite Elgintensity:
The thing you need to keep in mind if you ever join the cult of CrossFit is to always wear sunglasses, bandanas, and tattoos. Also, never stop lifting more than you can actually do. Better yet, lift three times more than what you think you can, then make sure you post it to Facebook and Instagram for all your other douchebag CrossFit buddies to see.
The old saying goes that ‘if you’re ever looking to find out if someone does CrossFit, they’ll tell you,’ and this just happens to be one other cringeworthy part of the community. CrossFitters are indeed a proud race. That, or just watching useless workouts and hearing them call themselves “elite-level athletes” will usually give you the answer.
The only good thing about CrossFit is the women tend to not wear much, and it makes us “bros” who know how to work out look better. In all, calling it a sport is a joke, and you’ll get fewer gainz out of doing it than you would with a proper bodybuilding routine.