Make Cardio Great Again

Techniques to get shredded that don’t steal your soul.

“We’re going to build a wall. It’s going to be huge, trust me.”


A wall right in front of those damn awful cardio machines. If we’re looking to make cardio great again, ellipticals and recumbent bikes have no place in our new reality, unless you’ve recently torn your ACL.

Grab Gains By The P*ssy

You heard us. If you want this brave new world of Stairmaster-free cuts, then you’re going to have to use your fortitude (and your hands). This is not a brand new revelation; however, the 90’s really didn’t help at all. Functional circuit training is undoubtedly the most effective route to reducing body fat while holding on to your hard won muscle fibers. These workouts aren’t the time to use dissociative mental techniques or catch up on your audiobook, this is trench warfare with fat.


Don’t Simply Take Our Word For It

Despite mimicking the act of no holds warfare (which has been getting bros ripped for millennia), circuits incorporating sandbag carries, kettle bell swings, burpees, deadlifts, etc…do wonders for EPOC. Excess post-exercise oxygen consumption is the scientific rationale for your metabolism remaining in overdrive many hours after your workout ends.

This video lays out the science:

We all know that Crossfit employs some “physiologically unsound” movements that make the internet a great place, but one has to admit those circuits have them looking like gladiators. Dare we say, one could learn something from their approach? It’s time training evolved, taking the best aspects from Crossfit, Powerlifting, and Bodybuilding, leaving the kipping movements out in the rain where they belong.

Read on the how-to on the next page…